The Questionable Concept of "Being Yourself" In High School

“Just be yourself! Don’t worry about what other people think!”

A "be yourself" message from
one of those  "random social
media accounts" (in this case,
found on Pinterest)

The number of times I've had that phrase shoved in my face is probably larger than the number of times I've dyed my hair since entering high school, which is…several. It makes sense, of course; when I started my freshman year, I was timid and always trying to please others, wearing false eyelashes and far too much eyeliner daily. After about 2 months, I realized that I wasn't that person and I didn't have to look like what others expected. Since then, I've gone through several shades of red hair (now I’m onto blue) and I've realized that I’m not usually one to wear much make-up, despite protests and questioning from my siblings and peers.

In that span of 2 years or so, while contemplating my decisions to change up my style, I've been told by friends, family members, random social media accounts, and even myself to disregard others’ opinions and just “be myself.” In general, I've followed that advice, but recently I've realized some major flaws in applying it to everyday life—especially in high school. This expression’s repetition has rendered it effectively meaningless in certain situations and borderline harmful in others.

The Question of “Who Am I?”

It may seem silly to say that this little idiom could actually cause someone harm. Obviously, a few (positively intended) words aren't the only problem; this concept merely adds to the existing issues related to questioning and figuring out one’s identity, a prominent struggle in high school.

As we've been told time and again during bullying seminars and by kids’ television shows attempting to teach us how to be decent grown-ups (That’s So Raven, anyone?), many many people struggle with self-confidence issues. Mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders manifest themselves as results of this self-consciousness, and are often closely linked with how teenagers perceive the attention we receive from peers.

Now, where does “being yourself” play into this? Simple. The motivation behind this advice is generally to encourage kids to express themselves how they see fit. In reality, such a confused and confusing phrase only confounds ideas of self-identity. We’re pushed to be our “true self” during a time when we have no real idea who that person is. As a 16-year-old, I have no clue how I’m going to turn out as an adult. I have a decent grasp on my character now, but even then, I’m often terrified of showing who I think that should be because—let’s face it—I could be wrong! I know I’m not the only one who feels this, and I can acknowledge that it’s a tad ridiculous to fear self-expression when people tell me that I should do what I want, but the judgment of less-accepting peers along with the gaping unknown of the future sort of takes the punch out of “being myself.”

I mentioned earlier that I often allow my physical appearance to be my form of self-expression, but doesn't “being yourself” also include your personality? Teenagers are just as likely to be judged for their actions as for their looks, and the fear of judgment and wrong assumptions (by oneself or one’s peers) is deepened when they’re expected to know and express who they “really are.”

The Statement of “This is Who I Am”

Somehow, the opposite problem exists as well. Contrasting the kids who want to stand out and even those who fear being one-of-a-kind appear those who are fine fading into the background, as well as those who exist in-between.

I’m all for doing things others may not approve of, whether it be dying your hair or wearing clothes that are often deemed outlandish or refusing to back down on your opinions. If that is who you are, then fine. Wonderful. But over and over, all I have seen in support of being oneself is in support of such (and I use this term with love) craziness; it’s as if the only way to “be yourself” is to be bold, bright-colored, and brazen. What about the others? Is the girl who’s perfectly content with her natural hair color and “average” outfit not being herself? Are the boys who enjoy lacrosse and wearing shorts in 20-degree weather (which, I’ll admit, is a questionable decision) still pining away in search of their true selves? While it could be argued that some of those seemingly “normal” kids just haven’t found exactly who they are yet—again, we don’t know—I would say no. Though their tastes may be “mainstream,” there’s no solid evidence saying that those kids aren't being true to who they are.

This is where the meaninglessness of the saying “just be yourself” comes into play. To some teenagers, this advice means nothing. They don’t need a push to show their “true colors” because they feel comfortable with the colors they’re sporting. Not to mention the kids who straddle both sides: the ones who dress or act differently than the norm, but are content to do so.

Me at various points during high school; my forms and ideas of self-expression have changed as the years progressed and I began to figure out who I think I want to be. Does the change mean that I wasn't myself before? Of course not! Maybe… I don’t know!

From left to right: September 2012, December 2012, July 2013, March 2014 (character day; I was dressed as the Basket Case from The Breakfast Club, so maybe not quite “self”-expression, but I do love it), December 2014, and March 2015 (forgive my selfies)

The Solution

The use of this slogan isn't a problem in itself, but it’s been so overused as to become burdensome to some and useless to others. The solution (for lack of a better word), then, is just to examine the motivations and meanings behind this advice. Also, maybe think of new advice.

And if I—or anyone else—continue to be unsure of how to express myself, so what? All we can do is what is best in the moment we live in now, and remember that “being yourself” shouldn't have to mean “be completely unlike anyone around you” or “decide your identity now.” It should simply mean sticking with who you think you are, or who you want to be, no matter what people think. 

Questions? Comments? Email me!

“Kids These Days”: A Lesson in Stereotypes about Teenagers

I can't tell you how many movies I've seen that show the stereotypical bitter, old man that runs out of his dilapidated house yelling "those dang kids"! The vision of the typical teenager is one that runs deep in our society, that stems from a deep generational gap as old as time. But, as we all know, stereotypes are harmful, and rarely true. Here are some time-old stereotypes about us teens that need a good look.

“Teenagers do nothing but stare at their phones”

Do I look at my phone a lot? Yes, yes I do. I think I check my phone about 10x as often as my parents check their email. But am I a lemming destined to be a digital junkie? No, but too often, this is the view that our parents and other adults have of today’s teens.

Phones, and the technological age we live in now, are new to a vast majority of adults today. We are one of the first generations to grow up with the internet and handheld computers and many other things that we don’t even think twice about. As teenagers, we recognize that lots of adults don’t truly understand the role that technology plays in our lives, simply because it hasn’t been around for very long. We understand the generational gap to some extent, but what perpetuates this stereotype is a lack of understanding done by the adults.

The problem with this stereotype is that adults and “experts” assume that me looking at my phone is me aimlessly wasting my life away in front of a screen. (And while this can be true when we spend our online time binge-watching shows on Netflix, how is that any different than sitting in front of a TV for hours, something that has been around for decades?)

Yes, our lives are on phones. They are literally on our phones. Our social lives, while very intact in person, and also very online. The internet is the way we talk to people, the way we share ideas, and the way we learn what’s going on in the world, both globally and within our high school.  And while many people-primarily older adults- argue that our social skills are impacted by our screen time, I would beg to differ. Our social skills are there, they are merely different from the ones used by previous generations. Are they less personal? Someone who grew up calling instead of texting, or driving cross-country instead of FaceTiming might definitely see it that way.

                But unlike how this comic portrays us, it’s not as if we have given up communication completely. We’ve simply rearranged how it works and made it more efficient. We have larger social networks, a larger worldview, and a larger sense of what the crowd thinks that any generation has before, and all of that is on our devices, quite literally in the palm of our hands.

The world is changing, and the people and how we interact are changing with it. It’s time we get rid of the idea that teenagers are zombies following a virtual mob mentality that rarely look up long enough to talk to a real person. As a teenager myself, I can speak to the fact that, thanks to the little screen in my pocket, I’ve made friends from Germany to Indiana, and learned about issues that either do or will affect me. Mindless? Don’t think so.

“Teenagers do nothing except sleep until 2pm”

I remember when I was younger, my aunt and cousin came to stay, and I waited until 2pm for my then 15-year-old cousin to make his way downstairs. “How could someone sleep so long?”, I thought. And when my aunt and parents laughed and made jokes about him being a teenager, I was mystified at the fact that when I turned 13, I was to turn into the Walking Dead impression that was my cousin.

Well, now I’m 16. And sleeping is my favorite thing to do. In fact, this comic strip displays most of my feelings about sleep and mornings in general in one picture.

However, this increase in sleepiness actually has a biological factor. I won’t bore you with details, because thanks to the renewed debate over high school start times, we’ve all heard the “Teenagers should get at least 9 hours of sleep” factoid over and over again. 

Beyond that, here’s a fact that many of us don’t know, or don’t acknowledge the meaning of: our Circadian cycle changes as we grow and as we age. Our Circadian cycle, for those of us who don’t actively try to prove teen sleep deprivation, is the process in your brain that determines when you get tired, and when you would naturally wake up. As we go into our teen years, this cycle shifts. Our natural body clock starts wanting to stay up later and going to sleep later (Source), and asking a teenager to get up at 7am is the same as asking an adult to get up at 3am. This is the same phenomenon as being jetlagged. I couldn't convince many adults to do Calculus at 7:30am when they feel jetlagged, so why do I have to do it?

So we’re not being lazy by not wanting to get up early. We’re not being bums. Our bodies literally do not want to get out of bed before 9am. It’s simply not natural, and just that fact alone could send me on a lovely rant about school start times that I’ll save for another blog post.

Questions? Comments? kateriwswc@gmail.com

Bored?

Bored?
I think many people would I agree with me when I say Springfield Virginia isn’t the most exciting place to be. There’s nowhere to hang out. There’s nothing to do.  We are all over the excitement of self-serve frozen yogurt, so now what?  Maybe our town would be more exciting if there was a beach here, or if Springfield were a big city.  But HELLO! WAKE UP! There are a bajillion things to do here! And there are a bajillion things to do in general! We are teenagers, we are creative, we don’t need to live in a super big city to have fun. 

There are so many things to do and so little time to do them so there is no reason to bored! Here are 10 things to do if you are bored (most of which require little money).

1.       Explore. It’s getting super duper pretty and warm outside now that summer is almost here! Take a walk around your neighborhood or in the woods. Find a hidden spot and make it yours.

2.       Write a letter. Don’t lie, getting a letter in the mail is one of the most exciting things in life. Ever. So make someone’s day. Write your friend a letter. (Or maybe write a relative a letter, I’m sure it would mean the world to your grandma or grandpa if they got a letter from you! J)

3.       Home Alone? All of your friends are busy? Perfect time for a personal dance party! Blast those catchy mainstream pop songs that you know you love and literally dance like nobody is watching.

4.       Cook something! You don’t even need to buy food for this. Work with what you’ve got. Pretend you’re on Chopped and you have to use certain ingredients to create a meal.

5.       Clean your room. Okay so this doesn’t sound very exciting, but cleaning your room can actually be fun sometimes, like when you find that bracelet you lost 3 months ago. You can also take this time to rearrange or redecorate your room. Try moving your bed to the other side of the room; It will change your life.

6.       Color. Go to the dollar tree, buy a coloring book and pack of crayons, turn on some music, and you will have a delightful afternoon.

7.       Go people watching.  Go to a public place like the mall and just watch people walk by! Make up wild stories about them, give them weird names, maybe even talk to someone; Make a new friend. (Well, maybe I shouldn’t advise you to talk to strangers… just stick to watching them!)

8.       Read a book. Read a book that you want to read, not one that you are required to read for English. Enjoy it J

9.       Make a collage. Making a collage is so much fun! Cut up magazines, old pictures, pages of books, and glue them all together or do whatever you want! There are really no boundaries.

10.   Browse through this website for more ideas!

Email me what you do when you're bored!