I’ve
got a dream. I’ve been obsessed with Japan since middle school and never felt
like I had a real heritage until then. I was raised in a house of assorted
cultures, so in an effort to find some sort of feeling of natural heritage, I
tried my best to be as Korean as possible. I chose Korean because, from all the
Korean dramas I had been watching, it seemed more like me than my European
half, which is made up of way too many countries; acting 100% Korean instead of
the “halfie” I actually was would be much simpler. I cut my hair and got a
straight perm for my naturally wild and curly hair. I wore clothes that better
fit slim, petite Korean girls. Honestly, I was a mess, and not a hot one.
On a
whim I decided to watch the Japanese drama Yamato
Nadeshiko Shichi Henge, the live-action version of the manga/anime The Wallflower, because it was ranked #1
on DramaCrazy.net at the time. I fell in love with Japan instantly. It felt
like I fit in with the culture more than anywhere else. The funny thing was that
my sister said I seemed to be more Japanese than Korean, though she was the one
that was born in Okinawa. Specifically, she said I looked like a Japanese boy,
which is a compliment because they tend to have very feminine faces, and if
they’ve had plastic surgery, which many have, then they have PRETTY feminine
faces. I felt at peace with myself. My dreams shifted in focus from Korea to
Japan, and it felt amazing. I could stay true to myself while still pursuing a
life goal.
Change was difficult at first. My mom was against me having curly hair; my face is kind of chubby to say the least, and my mom said constantly that curly hair made it even chubbier. It took a lot of stubbornness on my part and some convincing from my sister to get my mom to stop nagging me about it. I think she regrets getting mad at me for it before. Now that I’ve let my hair grow out, she’s always complimenting me about how pretty it is. Now that I have my mother’s acceptance, I also have her support of my ultimate dream to teach English in Japan.
Some
might say that I’m just a wannabe Japanese girl, like the stereotypical American
otaku, or as my friend Stine says, “someone who’s so obsessed with manga and
anime that it is the only thing they talk about.” She compared it to a football
player whose life revolves around his game. I admit I love manga and anime. I
wish I could say that I’ve watched almost every anime and read almost every
manga and honestly, the love of my life is an anime character (Ayasegawa
Yumichika from Bleach). But I think,
deep down, these parts of Japanese culture are a part of me now, just like
Japanese rock bands. I hope someday I can say that I am truly Japanese at
heart.
(yes, the love of my life sparkles. Don't judge me)
Les
Brown once said, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the
stars.” My dream is specific so that even if I miss one or two details, I can
still be happy with my life. I think everyone should have a dream like that, one
that allows a person to be honest with himself. Having a goal to focus on and
making decisions that will help someone reach that goal is, in my opinion, one
of the most important things in life, besides all the cheesy “love” stuff. I
hope someone, even if it’s just one person, will be inspired to dream and be
happy with who they are and who they are meant to be.
Visit my blog, Love Writing, Writing Love.
Any questions? Email me.
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