“Just be yourself! Don’t worry about what other people
think!”
A "be yourself" message from one of those "random social media accounts" (in this case, found on Pinterest) |
In that span of 2 years or so, while contemplating my
decisions to change up my style, I've been told by friends, family members,
random social media accounts, and even myself to disregard others’ opinions and just
“be myself.” In general, I've followed that advice, but recently I've realized
some major flaws in applying it to everyday life—especially in high school. This expression’s repetition has
rendered it effectively meaningless in certain situations and borderline
harmful in others.
The Question of “Who Am
I?”
It may seem silly to say that this little idiom could
actually cause someone harm. Obviously, a few (positively intended) words aren't the only problem; this concept merely adds to the existing issues related to
questioning and figuring out one’s identity, a prominent struggle in high
school.
As we've been told time and again during bullying seminars and by kids’ television shows attempting to teach us how to be decent grown-ups (That’s So Raven, anyone?), many many people struggle with self-confidence issues. Mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders manifest themselves as results of this self-consciousness, and are often closely linked with how teenagers perceive the attention we receive from peers.
Now, where does “being yourself” play into this? Simple. The motivation behind this advice is generally to encourage kids to express themselves how they see fit. In reality, such a confused and confusing phrase only confounds ideas of self-identity. We’re pushed to be our “true self” during a time when we have no real idea who that person is. As a 16-year-old, I have no clue how I’m going to turn out as an adult. I have a decent grasp on my character now, but even then, I’m often terrified of showing who I think that should be because—let’s face it—I could be wrong! I know I’m not the only one who feels this, and I can acknowledge that it’s a tad ridiculous to fear self-expression when people tell me that I should do what I want, but the judgment of less-accepting peers along with the gaping unknown of the future sort of takes the punch out of “being myself.”
I mentioned earlier that I often allow my physical appearance to be my form of self-expression, but doesn't “being yourself” also include your personality? Teenagers are just as likely to be judged for their actions as for their looks, and the fear of judgment and wrong assumptions (by oneself or one’s peers) is deepened when they’re expected to know and express who they “really are.”
The Statement of “This
is Who I Am”
Somehow, the opposite problem exists as well. Contrasting
the kids who want to stand out and even those who fear being one-of-a-kind appear
those who are fine fading into the background, as well as those who exist
in-between.
I’m all for doing things others may not approve of, whether
it be dying your hair or wearing clothes that are often deemed outlandish or
refusing to back down on your opinions. If that is who you are, then fine. Wonderful. But over and over, all I have
seen in support of being oneself is in support of such (and I use this term
with love) craziness; it’s as if the only way to “be yourself” is to be bold,
bright-colored, and brazen. What about the others? Is the girl who’s perfectly
content with her natural hair color and “average” outfit not being herself? Are
the boys who enjoy lacrosse and wearing shorts in 20-degree weather (which, I’ll
admit, is a questionable decision) still pining away in search of their true
selves? While it could be argued that some of those seemingly “normal” kids
just haven’t found exactly who they are yet—again, we don’t know—I would say
no. Though their tastes may be “mainstream,” there’s no solid evidence saying
that those kids aren't being true to who they are.
This is where the meaninglessness of the saying “just be yourself” comes into play. To some teenagers, this advice means nothing. They don’t need a push to show their “true colors” because they feel comfortable with the colors they’re sporting. Not to mention the kids who straddle both sides: the ones who dress or act differently than the norm, but are content to do so.
The Solution
The use of this slogan isn't a problem in itself, but it’s been so overused as to become burdensome
to some and useless to others. The solution (for lack of a better word), then,
is just to examine the motivations and meanings behind this advice. Also, maybe
think of new advice.
And if I—or anyone else—continue to be unsure of how to
express myself, so what? All we can do is what is best in the moment we live in
now, and remember that “being yourself” shouldn't have to mean “be completely
unlike anyone around you” or “decide your identity now.” It should simply mean
sticking with who you think you are, or who you want to be, no matter what
people think.
Questions? Comments? Email me!
Questions? Comments? Email me!
First off, I love how you showed your transformation!! Super cute :)
ReplyDeleteBut I totally agree with the points you made. We constantly hear the phrase "be yourself". In reality, we are still high schoolers trying to figure out who we are, so this is literally impossible.
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ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more! "Be yourself" may mean something different to each of us every day (even us 31 year olds) :)
ReplyDeleteThis touched me so deeply! Yasss I agree so so much that the statement when used in certain circumstances are only superficial and kind of hypocritical. Also the high school period is the time when the psychological mission of humans is to discover their "identity," and in order to achieve this we try out different roles and appearances and whatever! Love love love and completely enlightened!
ReplyDeleteLots of great and relatable thoughts in your blog! I really like how you conveyed the idea of "being yourself" as unattainable and always changing. I think the idea behind being yourself is not letting the fear of others opinions control your life, which I find is good advice. But our culture is obsessed with self-expression and identity. I'd say, instead of "being yourself" you should strive to do what is right and not be so inward focused. That is the most freeing to me. And frankly, I think "knowing who you are" is a lie. Like you said, we change everyday. Who I was yesterday is not who I am today. I find that the only identity that never changes is the identity I have in Christ. Knowing that I am His child gives me self-worth and is enough. Every other identity is temporary and could be taken away from me, but being a child of the one true King will always be who I am; who I truly am. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post! You make such great points and I feel like all high schoolers should read this to relieve some of the pressure of "fitting in" that our modern age tends to encourage. Seriously, you are so motivational in regards to feeling better about oneself! Thanks for writing this I really liked it! :)))
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